Date Night - London Boy Part 2

Date Night - The London Boy Part 1

The Guy: 20 year old London Boy. The one that got away.
The venue: His PlaceLooks Rating: 8/10Personality Rating: 8/10Overall: 9/10

Writing this one actually hurts a little. I'd never dated anyone younger before, always older. So this again, was something totally new to me. At this point, I wasn't looking for serious, and he told me he wasn't either. That's fine, we'll hang out, see what happens.

Like most of my dates, we'd met on Tinder. We had a few mutual friends, one of them being a family member he knew of mine. This made a great ice breaker. We exchanged messages for a couple of weeks, when one day on a lovely August day, when asked if I was doing anything
"Nope, totally bored" I replied. 
"Why not come over?" was the reply. All my family had gone out for the day, so I thought sod it, why not. I did something I have never, ever done before, and I went to meet him at his house. (I did talk to said family member, and cleared that he wasn't crazy or anything! And also checked in with my mum with a quick text while he was preoccupied. STAY SAFE PEOPLE!). As he opened the door, my breath was literally taken away! He. was. gorgeous. He smiled, and it literally made me melt. Was not expecting that. 

He welcomed me in, we sat on the sofa, chatted, had a drink (non-alcoholic of course) and got to know each other. I was so relaxed, it was so natural. Nothing felt forced and it all just flowed. It was lovely outside, so he suggested taking his dog for a walk. Sure. Why not?! Bad idea. I hadn't taken my hayfever tablets and my eyes were streaming. Team that with liquid eyeliner, cue pander eyes! I kept trying to hide them from him and he found this hilarious. 
"You look beautiful" he laughed. He was actually so sweet! 

After a long hour walk, we went back to his, and decided to put a film on. A scary one obviously! We cuddled up while watching the film. And then we kissed. Nothing happened other than a kiss, but that was enough for the time being. I'd arrived at around 2pm that afternoon, by the time I left it was gone 10. Time had flown. We hugged and kissed as I left. "That went well". 

My phone went off a mere 10 minutes after I left.

"I had a lovely time, can't wait to see you again! xx" I smiled as I read it. A 2nd date was on the cards then!

The What If Guy

In the latter part of the year last year, I met someone. Someone who, little did I know, would flip my world upside down all over again.

It was a night out, out with a few friends, and there friends. And there he was. I had met him once before. And I didn't really think much of it, after all, at the time I was still with Mr X. According to family and friends, the party in which we met, we exchanged a few flirty comments. I can 10 0% say I didn't notice. 

Anyway, as the night out progressed, we became close. And I mean close. A kiss, turned into more. And I instantly felt a connection. One that I couldn't explain. Something I'd never felt before and, truthfully, something I haven't felt since.

The weeks that followed were a total whirlwind. Late night phone calls, texting all day, heart to hearts and I just knew something was developing. I couldn't help it. I had feelings. Damn. 

I'd had such a rubbish time with men, I'd promised myself that I wouldn't fall for a 'charmer' again. Because that's what he was/is. A lying one at that. Because guess what...this 'charmer' had a secret. He had a girlfriend. Yep. And me...well I was already head over heels. Deep down, I know I should have just walked away. And in a certain respect I did. Nothing physical ever happened again, but we did continue to phone and text and see each other out and about. Truth is, I wanted to be around him, and secretly, maybe he did around me.

One day, I was sitting in town with a friend, and I poured it all out to her. The best think about my best friends - they don't mince or hold back the truth;

"He's your what if" 

My what? She then explained. Every person has the 'what if'. It's the guy (or girl) who you will always think about 'what if we had just given it a go'. And she was right. This is exactly what he was. As times gone on, I've tried to cut as much contact with him. As far as I know, he's now split with his girlfriend and is now seeing someone else. That's fine. Because, although I might still have feelings for him, they're not as strong as they were. And they're certainly not the same type of feelings. 

What If's can be the hardest type of guys (or girls) to get over. The fact that there was never really anything 'there' in the first place, makes it all that harder to process. How do you get over something that was never 'really there'. It's like trying to grieve for something, but it's never that simple. I still see him now and again, and each time, the feelings go more and more. I can't believe I got sucked into lies and deceit.

Have you ever had a what if guy? How would you suggest moving on from it? 

Date Night - The Accountant

The guy: 23 year old trainee accountant. Cheeky personality.

The venue: A Bar

Looks Rating: 6/10

Personality Rating: 7/10

Overall: 7/10

This date, was the first date I'd been on after my split. I was nervous as hell! We'd been talking for a while, and had met through the 'dreaded' dating app Tinder. 

I was a bit apprehensive about the date. I'd never really done this whole 'first date' thing, not really. With my Ex, we already knew each other and worked together. This...this was a whole other kettle of fish! Before the date, we'd been chatting non-stop, conversations just flowed, late night phone calls the lot. He seemed perfect...now we only just needed to meet. 

I arrived at the bar and spotted him immediately. He spotted me. He got up and my fears of it being awkward vanished. We hugged instantly. Hours passed and we chatted alot. Got to know each other, and the night ended up with a cheeky kiss. 

We met up once more after this, but we both knew things weren't really going anywhere, it became clear to me that I was not ready to move on yet. Although, I didn't gain a relationdship I'd imagined, I gained a friend. Which is you know....nice. 

But, as always, onwards and upwards! 

The Past Year

After the break-up, I entered into the world again. A whole new world to me. It took me a while to even think about looking at another guy. One night, I discovered Mr X was texting old friends of mine, and I mean, alot of old friends, who of course, told me. I'd been drinking with a few friends, and was very drunk (I didn't really drink while with Mr X), and with encouragement, I signed upto Plenty Of Fish (POF) that same night. 

Setting up my profile, it felt wrong. Very wrong. Almost like I was cheating. But it wasn't cheating! How could it be, we were over, and he certainly wasn't hanging around. Within 20 minutes, I had received over 20 messages. Wow. After sifting through what I deemed to be the 'odd ones' (I.e looking for one thing), I started chatting to a few. But it still felt odd. Truth is, I didn't know how to be? Long term relationships are all I knew. I didn't know how to flirt. How to start talking to guys. I was so nervous about it all, that I actually felt sick.

This became even more apparent, when I went on my first proper night out with friends, a month or so after. I'd brought a new outfit etc, and had spent alot of time getting ready. I have to admit, putting a fresh new look on made me feel amazing, and for the first time in months, I felt myself. I felt human again. While dancing away with the girls, a guy approached me. Introduced himself to me, we will call him L. He started to dance with me, and talk away. I was shaking. My mates had walked away to 'leave me to it' and I hated it. I could almost feel a panic attack coming on. I tried to walk away, and called out for my mates. I just couldn't do this. I made my excuses and ran to the toilets. I looked at my phone, and to make matters worse. Mr X had text. Perfect timing, and in my yet again drunken state, I text back.

"I miss you"

"Why are we doing this!?"

"We can work it out" 

The next morning? Instant regret. I guess this was a turning point for me. I knew I loved him deeply, but did I want him back? Did I fuck.

As months passed, I went out more and more, reconnected with friends, made new friends and worked on myself. I was out one night, and managed to get a guys number. Result. Things fizzled out quickly, but I took the positives. Before long, I was persuaded to join the dreaded Tinder. I've been on a few 'Tinder' dates now, (will write about these another time) and the truth is, it's addictive! 

I've had a couple of 'dates' since the split, and I guess what I'm trying to say, is although the past year has been difficult, it's fair to say, it gets better. I'm now in the position where I'm 100% myself now, and know exactly what I want from a guy. 

The Big Break Up

Early last year, my life came crashing down around me. Everything I knew, had and wanted was gone. I was back at square one! This is the first time I've ever put down on paper what happened, and how I really felt.  So, I'll start from the beginning....

I was 16 years young when I first started dating ex. He was a couple of years older than me, and I wasn't really sure why he wanted to talk to a girl like me if I was honest. But never the less, I lapped up the attention, and lets face it, I was getting no where with boys my own age. We were working together a few times, and suddenly, a problem at work threw us together working on something. Truth be told, I didn't see him as a 'potential' date to begin with. In fact, if you had of said to me that in years time, I'd be writing about my time spent as his girlfriend, I would have laughed. Still, we exchanged numbers and began chatting. 

A week or two passed and we went on our first date. I had never felt butterflies like it. I went out, brought a new outfit, new make-up and excitedly got ready. He arrived at my door, flowers in hand. A true romantic. The date went great, we had an almost instant attraction, and at the end of the night, we kissed. My first proper kiss, and one, I will never forget. 

It wasn't long before we were in a relationship. And I mean, after only 2 weeks of talking. We'd known each other for years, so to us, this didn't seem to quick. I wonder if that's made the connection so much better, doing the whole friends thing first. 

Fast forward through the nearly 5 years we had together. We went on lovely weekends away, dates, dinners.I honestly thought that I'd found the one. 

However, life has a funny way of throwing curves at you. About 2 years into our relationship, i noticed things weren't quite right, but i put them into the back of my mind. Carried on as normal, we went on to get our own place, started planning our future. But...deep down, I wasn't happy. After moving in together, I received some messages from girls telling they'd been sleeping with my boyfriend. And like a fool, I forgave. But that spelled the end. Even if I didn't know it. 

We carried on for another 2 years. But i knew it wasn't working. Once the trust had gone in our relationship, I tried my hardest to carry on as normal. But I just couldn't. My anxiety and depression was becoming more and more apparent, and I was losing myself and who I truly was. I stopped going out, put on weight, and never really saw my family and friends.  

After a few months shy of 5 years, we broke up. The problems had been mounting for a while, I was becoming more and more paranoid that he was cheating on me. I was out and about one day, and I got a text. A bloody text. And like that it was over. He simply put, 'You don't make me happy anymore'. I was in the middle of lunch with a friend, I excused myself from the table and went to the bathroom, and rung him. I cried and I mean sobbed down the phone. How could he end it like this, this isnt real. My friend came and found me and I showed her the text. She simply said 'Of course it's not over, it's you two'. But she took me back home, and I walked into our home. He was there, laying on the sofa. He had been crying too. I couldn't get my words out. I did the only thing I knew, went and laid next to him, and we cuddled and fell asleep. Strange I know, but this was the last time we ever did this, and it was a nice release. 

I woke up, he was still fast asleep. My head was hurting from all the crying, I didn't know what to do, so I took my car keys and went for a drive. I phoned my brother, cried to him, then not long after, my mum phoned. Nothing stays secret for long! I simply said 'It's over, I'm moving back home'. There, I'd said it. And it broke my heart. I then received a text from him. "Where are you?" I ignored. 10 minutes later. "Are you okay?" These continued. I realised, I can't avoid it forever, so I went home. 

The silence was awkward. We cried as we talked. Promised that we would both always try and be friends. That we would discuss in a few weeks, maybe just take a break. But deep down, I knew that this was it. I packed a bag, gave him one last kiss, and drove to my friends house. She straightened me out, and we went to the pub for a few drinks. Bad idea.

A few weeks passed, not a lot had changed. Except my fears and doubts were true. He had been cheating. In fact, he'd already invited a girl back to our home the night I moved out. There was no going back from that. It hurt like hell. But I knew I needed to break away. 

 I moved back home, changed my job, and started again. I took a few months to myself, put myself first for a while and then got myself back into the dating world. Something I'd never really done before! It was a scary prospect. But I guess that leads me to present day, and where I am now.....