Open Letter....Dear Mr What If....

Dear Mr What If,

I hate you, I hate you for the way you've made me feel. I let myself believe that you might of actually cared for me. But how fu*cking stupid was I?! I can't even begin to explain why I feel the way I do. How I ever let you get into my head and under my skin. I'm a fool.

I was building myself back up, I was happy, content, I had a purpose in life again. Then I met you, and I thought all my dreams had come true. But keeping to true male form, you destroyed me all over again. I, once again, had allowed a man to take away everything from me. Every part of me, shattered. Gone again, my confidence, trust, and to top it off, I now feel disgusted to have helped someone cheat on there partner. 

You were playing with fire, and you loved the chase. One day, I hope you're caught out. I hope to god, someone makes you feel the way you've made the women in your life feel. You're nothing more than a fu*k boy. I know now, that I deserve better, and I deserve more than to be a 'side chick'. 

I won't lie, I loved you. And not the puppy dog type love. I mean, true love, heart aching, butterfly, makes you feel sick love. When even the mention of your name gave me flutter and a smile. And just like men before you, you took that away. You made me feel like such a wonderful person. But you were turning me into a monster. A person, I wasn't even sure I could live with anymore. I feel dirty, used and abused. I was nothing to you, and I know that now. 

The most hurtful insult, out of everything that happened, was how you made it out to all be me. How you told people nothing ever happened, and how I was 'obsessed' and 'in love with you'. Yes. Yes I was in love with you, and you bloody well knew it. And stupid me, believed you when you told me you cared for me, wanted me, but deep down, it was lies.  

Rereading old texts, brings back all the memories. And it hurts, because now? I find it hard to believe you meant anything you said. I'll move on, hell I already have, but deep down, I guess I'll never know how you really felt. But I feel played. And fair play to you, you played me well. 

For now, I'm building on myself. And watching from the sidelines as you fade away, and never in a million years would I think I would be happy to never see you again. But here I am.

Enjoy your life Mr What If, because I'm certainly going to enjoy mine.

All my love,
Em.