'I Won't Mug You Off...'

Sigh. When will I learn? When will I stop being so trusting, willing and forgiving. All it ever does it get my heart hurt again.

Let me introduce Mr Squad. In the Army, and absolutely beautiful. We originally matched on Tinder, around 9 months ago. Just before I met Mr J. We instantly got on, and before long had exchanged numbers. We would chat often, snapchat, phone etc. But never actually met. And every now and again, he'd go cold on me. I'd move on, forget it, and continue my search. I then met Mr J, and put every other guy to the back of my mind. 

Fast forward to the last couple of months. Mr Squad, made an appearance again. We hadn't spoken for so long, and he sent me a random snapchat, that I replied too. We started messaging again. Then, like before, despite telling me he was 'here to stay' he went cold again. Fuck you. 

Like a bloody mug, when he messaged me this time round, I came running back. 'I really want to make something work', 'We've always got on so well' 'I want to be with you' etc messages came through. I, like a fool, fell for the whole 'I'm just scared' routine, as to why he kept going cold. "So let's give it a go, but I'm scared too' I replied. 'I don't want to be mugged off' 'I'll never mug you off'. So bare these comments in mind.

 We arranged to meet up whilst we were both on a night out. And truthfully? I wish I hadn't bothered. He was disinterested, was 'grinding' other girls, flirting with them in front of me, and I just stood there like a lemon. Maybe I wasn't what he thought I'd be. Who knows. 

I had to leave early, so I said my goodbye, and left. He didn't seem that bothered. But I did get a goodnight text after I'd left. I smiled. Maybe things were finally going somewhere.

Next day, casually texting and hes telling me about the night before. "Yeah, ended up coming back with some girl" "I never leave a club alone". Right. So casual in the way he said it."It's fine, I wont judge you" I said in return as a joke! All I wanted to know was, where did I stand? Was it too much to ask?! Clearly, as he never replied. Just ignored the message. 

So Mr Squad, if you ever read this, you're exactly the reason I still struggle to trust people. No, you didn't cheat on me, but you broke a promise. And that promise was the only thing giving me hope. I wish you all the best in the future, as I'm not a bitter person, but just know, you'll never meet someone as loyal and as loving as me. 

And as for me? Well I'm tindering on....